So, you think you're family

I was told earlier this week, by the same woman who said that none of her granddaughters were good enough for law school, that one of my mothers wasn't my mother. I quote, as best I can do given the internet doesn't allow for such deep condescension as her words held, "God gave you one mom and one dad. That's all, you don't have two moms." Wait, backup, you're getting bigot on my new shirt.

The definition of family is fluid, not fixed. You can't define family by blood-ties alone, otherwise adopted children wouldn't have a known family, in-laws would never have to be invited to family dinners, and all your brothers and sisters at church would have to choose a different term. Now, some people are lucky enough to have a decently functioning "original" family, while others have to forge their own families.

I believe that families forged in fire have stronger bonds than anything blood-ties can give. "The blood of the covenant is stronger than the water of the womb." When someone sees who stands by their side, despite how bad things get, they realize who their real family is. And, I'm sorry, when one person tells me that I can do anything I set my mind to, who isn't blood related, I'm much more likely to call that person family than the one who says that I'm not good enough for something (I remember two instances, one where she told me that I wouldn't survive at a four-year university right out of high school, and another where she said I wouldn't make it in the Marines).

Unconditional love isn't conditioned to blood-ties. Unconditional love isn't defined by following the bigotry that other's have set before you. It isn't about looking down at those who you don't agree with. Unconditional love is about accepting someone completely, embracing their flaws, picking them up when they fall down, and never saying, "You aren't good enough." There's a reason it's called unconditional.

I know who my real family is. I know who has been there. I know who stands by me even when they don't agree with my choices. Don't define my family by your close-minded contentions.