So, you think you're family

I was told earlier this week, by the same woman who said that none of her granddaughters were good enough for law school, that one of my mothers wasn't my mother. I quote, as best I can do given the internet doesn't allow for such deep condescension as her words held, "God gave you one mom and one dad. That's all, you don't have two moms." Wait, backup, you're getting bigot on my new shirt.

The definition of family is fluid, not fixed. You can't define family by blood-ties alone, otherwise adopted children wouldn't have a known family, in-laws would never have to be invited to family dinners, and all your brothers and sisters at church would have to choose a different term. Now, some people are lucky enough to have a decently functioning "original" family, while others have to forge their own families.

I believe that families forged in fire have stronger bonds than anything blood-ties can give. "The blood of the covenant is stronger than the water of the womb." When someone sees who stands by their side, despite how bad things get, they realize who their real family is. And, I'm sorry, when one person tells me that I can do anything I set my mind to, who isn't blood related, I'm much more likely to call that person family than the one who says that I'm not good enough for something (I remember two instances, one where she told me that I wouldn't survive at a four-year university right out of high school, and another where she said I wouldn't make it in the Marines).

Unconditional love isn't conditioned to blood-ties. Unconditional love isn't defined by following the bigotry that other's have set before you. It isn't about looking down at those who you don't agree with. Unconditional love is about accepting someone completely, embracing their flaws, picking them up when they fall down, and never saying, "You aren't good enough." There's a reason it's called unconditional.

I know who my real family is. I know who has been there. I know who stands by me even when they don't agree with my choices. Don't define my family by your close-minded contentions.

I rolled my eyes a lot.

Things that really irked me about the County Commissioner's Public Hearing last week:

1. The opposition continually starting their speeches off with, "I don't discriminate" or "I believe in equality for all", but then adding some ungodly reason as to why passing the ordinance was against the public's best interest or was simply immoral. Things such as:
• "Reverse discrimination". First of all, this concept is a complete farce. The fear behind it is the same fear behind any other civil rights movement- discriminating is illegal, you continue to do it, and you'll get fined. That's not reverse discrimination; that's the law. Plain and simple.
• "My bible tells me so". Really? Here's a newsflash, the United States Supreme Court has interpreted the First Amendment's Establishment Clause to mean that you cannot bring your religion into government decisions. The Bible is a book, the Constitution is law, and the Supreme Court has stated so, Not to mention, the "God" that I was acquainted with as a child loved everyone unconditionally. 1 Corinthians 4-7: "⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Not to mention how many people seem to pick and choose which scriptures to follow, and which ones to completely ignore. Anyone out there wearing polyester? You're going to hell. Ever gotten divorced? I'll see you down there. Do you like shellfish? Sorry, you've just earned yourself a first-class one-way ticket. Does your wife make more money? You're both going to burn for eternity. If you're going to follow the bible, follow it. You can't pick and choose the parts you like.
• "No one is born gay". Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize people would choose to be disowned by their family and community, have a chance at getting fired for no particular reason, and fear for their lives every day. Plus, if it is a choice, I want you to wake up tomorrow morning and make the choice to be gay. Then come back at the end of your gay transformation, and keep reading. Not so easy is it? Tell me how much of a choice it is now.
• "Men will dress up as women and molest our daughters in restrooms". Uhhh, what? That doesn't even have the slightest thing to do with this ordinance for multiple reasons: A. Trans-people have no interest in small children, they simply want to go to the restroom in peace. B. Molesters will go into a restroom whether or not this ordinance passes- if that's where they really want to get their victims from. C. Statistically speaking, the majority of rapes and molestations are committed by people the victim knows. So, I'd be more concerned about your daughter's music teacher than the stranger in women's clothing who just went into the public restroom. But, that's just my inference on a well-known statistic.
• "The homosexual agenda". Who knew that equal rights gave the LGBT community an agenda? I sure didn't. I'm sure that it got really annoying in the 1960s when the "African-American Agenda" was being pushed through. Or how about in the 1920s when the "Women's Agenda" was coming up? Damn us women for wanting to vote.
• "Special privileges". Seriously, you already have these privileges, so giving the LGBT community does not make them "special". If you want to take a step back, and remove the anti-discrimination policy that gives the majority of us equal protections, okay, let's do so. Are you an Irish-American? Sorry, you're going to lose your job today. How about disabled? I can't even think of why you were hired to begin with. Are you older than 50? I'm going to fire you, and you won't even get a severance package. How about African-American? Ha. Good luck finding anyone to even interview you. Jewish? You can forget about working here. Female? Where's your husband and why were you even let out of the kitchen? ...seriously, that's what these "privileges" have done so far. You're lucky if you happen to be a straight, white, middle-class, Christian, American, able-bodied, man because you'll get hired no problem. The rest of us? Well, we're just screwed without these anti-discrimination ordinances/policies/laws. End of story.
2. The fear the commissioners in dissention seem to have of their constituents. Yes, it is a fear. Otherwise we'd still have a clean, 5-2 vote, but we don't. Some commissioners have decided that it is better to be a politician than a statesman. And that's sad. It's a terrible thing when they would much rather win an election than fight for equality. This is what caused the Ancient Greeks so many problems. "Leaders" got elected who only wanted to be elected, not fight for the betterment of their people. They began to think emotionally, rather than logically, and emotions sent them into a war they could not win, they executed true statesmen who spoke out against these decisions, and bam, the Greeks lost their Athenian rule. Don't believe me? Go ask Sarah Wiley at Delta College. Tell her who sent you. The same thing is happening here. Our elected officials have lost touch with what they've vowed to uphold and what being in office is truly about. Who cares if you lose an election? Will those votes help you sleep better at night? If so, you're part of the problem.

I think that sums it up nicely.

Children and Parents

Before I get into what is really eating at me, I will first make it very clear that I am not a "parent" by the traditional definition of the word. I never gave birth to children nor have I ever adopted any. What I have done, though, is helped to raise my nephews. The oldest, who is almost 6, has lived under the same roof as me for almost 3 years. The youngest, who will be 2 in March, has never known any other home than the one he shares with me. I've been there for their best and worst days, and have loved them through it all. I've gotten the oldest off to preschool after working third shift, and made sure the youngest was dressed, fed, and ready to go when my mom got home from work. I've done everything a parent is meant to do and have loved every minute of it- the good, bad, and worse. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

With that being said, I feel that too many parents are selfish and don't know how to think about their children before themselves. Parents go after what they want, with no regards toward how this will effect their children. They act in such a way that only can result in a negative impact on the children they created. And I don't understand how. I just don't get it. I don't get how they can completely disregard the life that they created and not realize that their actions have an impact on these children.

It happens more often than not when parents split up. The end-game then is almost always to hurt the other parent. But the only one who really suffers is the child(ren). What are parents thinking when they act with blatant disregard towards the small humans they created? Children are like sponges, they see it, they hear it, they soak it all up. Parents need to remember that.

Children will remember the parent who acted in their best interest and the parent who acted selfishly, and it will change how they look at each parent for the rest of their lives. They'll know by the time they're 8 years old which parent is out to hurt the other, and which parent is only concerned with the welfare of the child.

I promised myself when I was 14 that my children would never feel the way that I felt growing up. That they would never have to have a million unanswered questions toward one, or both, of their parents. That they would never feel like a parent was a complete stranger, and not understand how anyone could just abandon what they helped to bring into this world.

When I grew close to my nephews, I extended that promise to them. But even as I sit here right now, I feel that there is nothing I can do to stop them from inevitably feeling that way. No matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to prevent them from falling victim to the same war that I was involved in. Unfortunately, it's worse for them, both parents are selfish. And those who want to act in the best interest of the children, have to keep their mouths shut. Now, how is that fair?