Lucky

I've been told that my nephew is lucky to have me. And maybe, yeah, that's true, but I don't believe that he's the lucky one out of our pairing. I am. When he was born, I didn't think that I would end up helping to raise him. I figured I would get my shot at being the "cool aunt", and that would be that. I didn't know how much I would end up looking at him as my own, as a product of my own creation. I didn't expect that I would be so in tune to him that I would hate every moment I had to spend away from him; I never even considered that he would help me when it came to dating or staying motivated. That little boy has become my rock.

When Trenton was born, I was becoming more and more content with being settled with what I had. I worked full-time, I had a good man, things weren't complicated. But simple has never been my life. Settled wasn't who I was. I broke up with my boyfriend, and went a little crazy. I went off the deep end for a short period of time, but then Trenton started living with us.

I started having to stay up after working third shift to take care of him until my mom got home. I had to be a part-time mom with no real warning. At first, I resented it. I worked all night, I wanted to sleep. And he wasn't a very happy baby. It wasn't easy, but I did it. I did it because I had to do it, he needed me. I had a responsibility to help my family in any way possible, and a few hours of lost sleep wasn't the worst thing to have happen.

I should have known that he had taken my heart captive from the first moment I saw him, but I was so busy being focused on my self that I didn't recognize the signs. I didn't know the impact that he would have on my life, what he would teach me, what I would find within myself through him...I wouldn't trade the past 27 months for anything. I've grown to hate having to miss bedtime. I love being the one to get him out of bed in the morning, no matter how tired I am when I do it.

He has taught me a countless amount of things, this list just barely scratches the surface:

• Patience. I wasn't a patient person before. I'd lose my temper easily, I never wanted to wait, I didn't understand tempertantrums... having Trenton around allowed me to really get a grip on my impulsiveness. He taught me to think things through before reacting, to breathe before I snapped. He taught me that waiting is sometimes the best thing in the world, especially if you're waiting with the right people.
• Trust. Kids are so trusting of those who are around them every day. They never have to question the security of their home life. He taught me to trust in the people who chose to be around me, he taught me to trust myself again.
• Playing alone. I have no complaints about how well Trenton plays by himself. He doesn't need someone to entertain him- he knows how to make the cars move and the pieces fit together...he knows how to shoot a basketball and swing a golf club... he doesn't need someone there to talk to him or keep him from getting bored. And for a long time, I thought I needed that. That constantly having someone around made the days go by faster, or that I'd go to sleep happy at night after spending the day being entertained by someone else. I know now that I don't need that. I don't need someone else to take my hand and show me how it's done. I don't need someone else to explore with me. I can do it by myself, and still feel accomplished afterward. And, sometimes, the days are better spent alone.
• Don't take anything for granted. Trenton sees everything, he takes it all in, and never overlooks the smallest details. It's all important to him, and while that may be slightly unrealistic to attempt to take in every small detail, it's important to remember that sometimes, it's the small things that matter the most. He understands that, and because of him, I am really learning to count my small blessings, because you never know when they'll be taken from you.
• Love. Trenton taught me to love again, and to let love in. Most importantly, he taught me to love unconditionally and with everything I have. Through him, I learned it's better to hurt from a broken heart, than to hurt from never allowing someone in.
• Never sell yourself short. This isn't something that he taught me, but something that I came to learn through becoming a mother to him. I learned my self-worth, I learned to put myself first when it counts, I learned that sometimes not getting what you want, will give you exactly what you need. Before Trenton, I pretty much dated whoever. There was no rhyme or reason to it, and, yeah, even after he was born, I still did that. But as time went on, I realized that I was worth more than a guy, and I definitely was worth more than just any guy who gave me attention. He taught me that relationships take work, that I have to believe in the other person as well as myself for anything to happen more than just an infatuation. Slowly, I also began to think of guys that would be good, not just for me, but for him. After all, he came first for me, I'd never give him up for anything.

Trenton saved me from myself, he helped me find out who I needed to be, and for that, I know I'm the lucky one here. I love him, more than anything. I couldn't love him more, even if he was my own. I fall more and more in love with him every day. Everything I do, I do with him in mind. Watching him grow and learning from him has been the best part of my life.