Well, this shit is about to get deep in my head really fast here. Way to go, writing challenge creator, way to go. I think there are actually 2 exes that I'd wish to say things to, I guess I'll start with the shorter first, simply because he might already know some of this. I won't name names, because that's just not kosher, but they'll both know about this post.
Okay, first off, I think you know you were a rebound. But not the normal kind. Not the rebound where I was seriously broken and just wanted to have sex (even if I was seriously broken, I didn't only want sex). You were kind of a rebellion for me, I guess. I was an adult, and I needed to break out of the feelings of safety and security I had been in for a year and a half. You were a means to an end, and deep down, I think you knew that. Which is why we can be such good friends now, because you know that we were probably the oddest pairing ever. Everything we had in common was superficial, we didn't really have that deeper connection. But it's weird, because now you actually understand how I work. You get me, and part of that is probably in part because you were a rebound. I'm sorry for that, but at the same time, I like being able to call you one of my closest friends. Without the fucked up relationship we had, that wouldn't exist.
Second, you were pretty much the best thing for me, but at the time, we just weren't right for each other. We had a disconnect, and I felt a divide coming between us, and I didn't want you to feel it, too. We were moving into two different worlds, you being able to live the college dream life, and me having to be an adult. It wasn't right to hold onto you, when you could go off and do whatever you wanted, and you needed to do that. I hope you did that. Not just for me either, but for you, because you deserve it. You earned the right to have a good time, and explore your horizons while you're off at college. I didn't break up with you because I stopped loving you, it's almost the opposite, I broke up with you because I knew that when you truly love something, you have to let it go. You needed to find yourself, separate from me and separate from your mom. I wanted you to figure out what made you, you. And you couldn't do that with me around. And I'm sorry that I never got to explain this to you, and I'm even more sorry that we aren't really friends anymore. I hope you've found yourself, and I hope you can forgive me.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
all that jazz
So, if any of you out there have been following along, you've probably noticed that my 30 day writing challenge fell a little short. Well, a lot short. The first time I fell behind I thought, Well, I'll just post two in a day... and that worked, for two days. Then, I fell behind again, and thought, I'll just do 30 days non-consecutive.
Foolproof plan, right? Wrong. Dead wrong. It just meant I could put off writing for days on end and not feel bad about it. Totally punched a hole in the whole "30 day challenge".
Then I thought, well, maybe I'll just start it all over. But then I just strayed further and further away from starting over, that I realized I wasn't disciplined enough to actually write for 30 consecutive days. Hell, I couldn't even do a writing journal when I had to for class. How did I expect to be able to commit to writing every day when it was just of my own accord?
But I ran a marathon last year. I should be able to complete any commitment I make now. There should be no excuse available to man for me anymore.
Running a marathon doesn't make you invincible. It doesn't make you super human. It doesn't make you suddenly capable of accomplishing every goal you ever set out to do. Running a marathon simply teaches you that you are capable of doing great things, with a LOT of training. It isn't pretty, it isn't glorious, it won't happen on a whim (even if you're desire to run a marathon came about in a whim). There's an intense amount of concentration and desire behind running a full marathon, especially for someone who never ran one before. But you have to be able to fully commit, no half-assing anything.
And I was half-assing my challenge. I wasn't fully committed to it. I didn't concentrate fully on half of the posts I put up. And that's no way to go about a challenge that the entire world can watch you complete.
So, with that, I gracefully bow out from the challenge. And take this as a lesson, apply marathon training to ALL aspects of life, and you will succeed.
Foolproof plan, right? Wrong. Dead wrong. It just meant I could put off writing for days on end and not feel bad about it. Totally punched a hole in the whole "30 day challenge".
Then I thought, well, maybe I'll just start it all over. But then I just strayed further and further away from starting over, that I realized I wasn't disciplined enough to actually write for 30 consecutive days. Hell, I couldn't even do a writing journal when I had to for class. How did I expect to be able to commit to writing every day when it was just of my own accord?
But I ran a marathon last year. I should be able to complete any commitment I make now. There should be no excuse available to man for me anymore.
Running a marathon doesn't make you invincible. It doesn't make you super human. It doesn't make you suddenly capable of accomplishing every goal you ever set out to do. Running a marathon simply teaches you that you are capable of doing great things, with a LOT of training. It isn't pretty, it isn't glorious, it won't happen on a whim (even if you're desire to run a marathon came about in a whim). There's an intense amount of concentration and desire behind running a full marathon, especially for someone who never ran one before. But you have to be able to fully commit, no half-assing anything.
And I was half-assing my challenge. I wasn't fully committed to it. I didn't concentrate fully on half of the posts I put up. And that's no way to go about a challenge that the entire world can watch you complete.
So, with that, I gracefully bow out from the challenge. And take this as a lesson, apply marathon training to ALL aspects of life, and you will succeed.
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